Day 6/28

f:0/2
e:0/2
w:1/2
p:2/2
DC: 2/2.

night.

Dreams/ Pumped UP!!

Tonight, we start the fire. Tonight we BREAK away. :)

When I know I'm about to work out I get immensely happy. Idk why. Maybe it's cause I get to burn calories, maybe it's cause I feel sooo much better after. Either way, it's amazing.

Idk what was wrong with me yesterday. Everyone seemed to piss me off. My boyfriend, facebook people, etc. But I'm looking passall that today.

Yesterday I ate doughnuts at a friend's house (I hung out with her b/c her bf dumped her to think about their relationship) and she was sad and all that jazz. So we got doughnuts. I couldn't stop myself. I ate two creme filled and a strawberry frosted one. Dammit and a frosted blueberry one... Ugh. So I puked and puked and puked.
However it was hard. I ran water. went to her toilet and it just slid out. it felt different. Maybe because I didn't really drink water that day. Anyway. It was me, her, her sister/mother, my boyfriend, and our friend. we all hung out with her and i had to leave and quietly puke and make sure no one noticed. It was hella hard and I was so nervous somebody woould notice or her mom would yell at me. BUt strangely no one had caught on or noticed. I guess they thought i was pooping..? Great..

OKAY. So. Dreams!
Last night I had a dream that my old language arts teacher was permtting us to drink alcohol in class. Then he got busted. it was wierd.
_______________________________________________________

So, today my friend that I always go to the Gym with is available togo right now, she just got off, YES. i'm going to purge off any leftover doughnuts from yesterday. I'm striving for 500 calories today.

My mom said "don't expect to go anywhere today, we're cleaning." blahblah.
All I need to do is clean my room and vacuum the bathroom floor. OH I better start on my laundry..

So it's
1.) Crunches.
2.) Laundry.
3.) Gym.
4.) Vacuum Bathroom.
5.) Clean my room.
6.) Crunches before bed.

Maybe I won't end up hanging out with my friends.. but we'll see.. At least my mom knows the importance of me going to the gym at least.. She probably thinks i'm big still. Oh well. She MAY make me clean the porch also(wtf?) No one touches that. but we'll see. I got to go change to workout :D toodaloo.

Day 5/28

Day 5/28.

Doing it differently today. I feel like shit. Going to the gym with a new partner tomorrow bright and early. Tired. Going to bed.

Food. 0/2. Puked hella lot.
Water. 1/2. Idk.
excersise: 0/2. No gym still.
Journaling/Posting:2/2.
Challenge. 2/2. Hung out with some girl i never followthrough with.

Sleeping. Pissed. Leaving.
Now.

Dreams/Body Image.

Last night I had a dream about having bigger boobs. I had my nails/face done yesterday and when I had bigger breasts I felt beautiful. Ofcourse I was superskinny also. then it got wierd. The Joker (you know, from the dark knight) came in my window (it was dark btw) and stared at me and lunged at me. I was on my bed like "whatttt?? o.o" It was... weird.
_________________________________

Moving on, that dream made me realise, I'm DEFINITELY getting a boobjob. I'm so flatchested and I know once I loose all this weight I'll be superflatchested. So I need to save like 5,000 dollars for one. Joy -_-. But I know it will help me feel more confident.. and pretty. I woke up feeling amazing, kinda full, but amazing, then I looked in the mirror and felt like SHIT. My boobs were small again and my hair was a mess, etc. I hate how I look. I don't get what my boyfriend finds attractive about me..

Oh, I forgot to mention yesterday that I tried purging those nachos yesterday. With a toothbrush instead of my fingers b/c I had just gotten my nails done. I ended up using my fingers anyway... I don't care for toothbrushes..

And I tricked my friends yesterday also. I got them to believe I wanted to go on a walk, when in reality I was trying to get my excersise in. I had planned it out also, walk at lest 15 minutes out, 15 min walk back, so i owuld have my 30 minutes. They found a shortcut back but we walked further out so it was still like 32 min.

I did my situps today! I have to do the other half tonight. I started drinking my water and ate some grapes and a few bites of a veggie burger. I NEED to go to the gym today. how many calories burned equals a pound? I want to know, but then again I don't.

ending this now. I need to workout.

Day 4/28 fucking rant.

Wth. WHAT. THEFUCKING. HEll.

omg.

I asked my boyfriend last night on messenger if he thought i was fat. I knew he wasn't online but he still couldve replied to that b/c i know he got it.

He didn't.

He didn't mention it at all.

Then today I go over to hang out and what fucking happens? He grabs my stomache and says, "Ah, I can feel it kicking."

....

AM i THE ONLY ONE WHO SEES SOMETHING WRONG WITH THIS??

Joking about pregnancy with a woman who isn't pregnant is inevertedly but nonetheless still
calling them fat.

I wanted to burst into tears. Fucking Asshole.

From now on I'm doing situps and crunches. Starting tomorow morning. 25 in the morning and 25 at night. Fucking fuck. I want a flat stomache. So fucking bad. and I can't go to the gym tomorrow b/c my friend is on super shift tonight and tomorrow.
I'm probably just going to run around our "park" for 30 minutes tomorrow. Or see if someone in my family will take me to the gym. idk.fuck.

And I have a headache right now. idk if it's from hunger or keeping my hair up, idgafrn.

Tomorrow, I'm eating NOTHING but grapes. that's MY mini goal for the day. Grapes, and water.

Now I have the fucking hiccups. I'm ending this now.

Day 4/28

4/idwk/36

From now on i'm bringing it down harder.

Food:
0/2. All I ate today was nachos. It had cheese, lettuce, beans, jalapenos, chips. One serving but Idk the calories. I know it was alot.

Water
2/2. I'm on my last waterbottle now. My urine is officially clear.

Excersise:
2/2. I didn't work out at the gym but I walked fast for 32 minutes.

Journaling/Posting.
2/2.

Daily Self Esteem Challenge:
2/2. Nails PROFESSIONALLY done. Mani/Pedi. Hot red. Eyebrows waxed, and a slight massage from some creepy guy. Check.

Dreams/Weight

I'm starting to wonder if the end is coming or a end. last night my dreams involved knowing these codes that came constantly. One of them was "2166". It was weird. then this other one was of my bf being in my bed and it felt so real. I was like stop moving! and he didn't listen and people came in but I pretended to be asleep. then I started crying and asking why he could never do what i ask him to. only, this time he didn't really seemed to care. :( I keep having bad dreams of him. Yesterday it was that my bjs did nothing for him and the day before that it was him flirting with some chick at a bar/grilll place when he was supposed to be "looking" for me. :\
Anyway, he had to leave since he was busted and i ran after him and couldn't catch up. He drove off and that's when the number thing started. I had his phone also! So i was trying to catch up with him.. But i was slowly running/flying. It was weird.
__________________________________________________________________

Moving on, I think I'm only going to count what I weigh in the morning (after I pottah) as my weight for the day. Because I always down ounces of water a day making me weigh more than what I actually do.. Or should I just count the weigh I am at after I excersise? Idk. :(
Anyway today I'm at 128.5. Which will go up two pounds during the day, and hopefully go down 3 tomorrow morning. making me 127.5 :D But I doubt it'll work that way.. But I'm determined to lose this weight. :(
Today is Celebrate Me Day so i'm going to give my toes/fingers a mani/pedi. Well, trim them and paint them lol. I wish I had a sibling to share nail polish with. I only have one vile of purple.. Oh well.. Purple toes it is.. Maybe fingers too..

well i have to end this now, got to go to the gym, work on me, and see what mi madre needs.
toodaloo

Day 3/28

3/0/24

Food:
1/2. This is bleh. I touched that cake. it's gone now except for some icing. however I puked it up. I was dry heaving and my chest was hurting, but I had to get it out. Later on I had grapes. then a vegetable sandwitch (Patties are only 100 cal!) and some more grapes.

Water:
2/2. This is the worst part lately. Besides the gym, i'm forcing this down my throat. I've realized now that it gives you a full feeling. So i need to start early on it.

Excersise:
2/2. Hell I would give me a 3/2, it was awsome. I did 35 minutes on this machine called an elyptical or something.. anyway, usually on 30 minutes on the tredmill i do like 130 to about 150 calories. Sometimes less. on this new machine i tried i burned 244 calories! omg. i'm so proud.

Journaling/Posting:
2/2.:)

Daily Self Esteem Challenge:
2/2. I cleaned the bathtub/toilet/sinks, all that fun stuff. Yuck. :( but it makes up for not doing it yesterday..

ending this short today. I have to watch trueblood :) then off to sleep so i won't be tempted to eat anything tonight.

Dreams. Goals for today.

Last night I had a dream about going to this water park with a bunch of skinny little girls. I felt big/fat as always. THen I had this other dreamw where I looked out my window from the ground to look at the sky with my boyfriend. I saw falling buildings and planes, so i ran out of the house. there i grabbed 2 kittens and placed them in a cage for my mom. It was to take them to a shelter and wash them.
Sooooooooooo Random. haha.
__________________________________________________

Okay, so I looked up the nutrition facts for that cake I have. GOD. It's deadly.
I feel kinda sick too, it's from all that sugar in the cake :\ And the sad part is I still want to eat it now. I haven't eaten breakfast this morning yet, all I want are grapes and some vegetables. Damn. But that cake... This is why I seriously don't lke birthdays.

But moving on, since I failed so horribly yesterday, these next couple of days AND today I'm going to make up for. Sunday is make up a challenge day! I'm going to clean the bathroom >.< ew. But it does need a good cleaning...

After that I'm going to see about going to the gym. My friend gets off at 2 i think so i'm going around 230? That gives me a good 2 hours to fully clean that bathroom. Afterwards I may practice on parallel parking with my father. If he's up or here(he's so tired all the time!)

I'll down lots of water and grapes so i don't feel hungry. Maybe eat a salad later..

So, the only problem here is that cake. OH LAWDIE. whattodo.

Obviously, I better not eat it so I don't end up like THIS.

Day 2/28

2/Idwk./15
Today.
Was.
Horrible.

It started off so well. I worked out. Downed water. Ate grapes and some vegetables.
Then I had to go to a restraruant. and BOMBED. It was horrible, once I started I couldn't stop. I did get SOME points, however I don't deserve them.

Food:
0/2. I started off well, ended horribly. HOwever, the restraurant we went to was a fondue restraraunt. I ordered vegetarian. SO my meals were chips/vegies with cheese. then a ceaser salad. then frying vegetables in no fat and no cholestorol oil. But they had dips and coverings for them... :((. OH. and the big knock out. I had cake. CAKE. and i still have some with me right now. damn my life. I'm probably going to eat the rest of it after typing this and puke it up. fml.

Water:
2/2. I had a glass at the resturant, maybe two and for sure 3-4 of my water bottle.

Exercise:
2/2. I went running for 32:22 minutes. burned 150 calories for sure. If i had set it to incline i wouldve burned soooo much more. I intend to use incline from now on. After running on the tredmills i did some workouts for my stomach and left.

Posting:
2/2. It IS late. but I'm still posting before I go to bed.

Daily Self Esteem Challenge:
0/2. I left my house as soon as i got back from the gym. nothing was done. :(

Freaking fail. I neeed to sleep. i'm typing horribly and falling asleeep. night.

Dreams

Last night I had a dream where I was with my friends in this car and
we were driving around going to some fastfood place. (I think MccyD's)
However, I was with my one skinny friend and I had been there before.
She had wanted to go to the restroom and we stumbled inside looking.
So I was like, "It's up the stairs!" I think I was drunk, and we go up
the stairs and I reach the top and I'm like "oh no! the other set of
stairs!" (why mcdonald's has two stairs cases, let alone ONE beats me..)
and she's going all the way up and i finally got down and told her I'd
wait for her. THe staircase led to a wall, so she was just going up just
to do it. So I finally get down and turn around to wait on her and BAM.

My alarm goes off on my phone. And I reach over and I'm like "NO!!" and
I go back down to try to meet up with her. but i couldn't. :(

So it's like, Skinny danced with me, followed me, and when I said I'd
wait on her, I was pulled away by outside forces.

Thats a great way to look at this.... -____-

_________________________________________

On a side note, that alarm woke me up for a reason. I have to go the gym today
and it's aleady 935 am. I have a party to go to around 3. (AND a babyshower!)
But I HAVE to get my excersise in. My ride's clothes are in the dryer right now so I figred i'd type this in the mean time. Well.. I'm off to stretch, change, and eat some grapes or a salad.

Byefornow. :)

Day 1/28

1/+2/9

Food:
2/2. All I ate was some grapes, went to the gym, and then had two homemade tacos. I'm rounding the grapes to 100(?) and the tacos (bean and cheese) were about 550(?) All together I KNOW i had no more than 700 Calories. Still alot, but it's a start. I'm thinking it as 600<

Water:
1/2. Allthough I drank as much as I could remember. I think the total would be about 3 water bottles. For sure two. I was busy today..

Excersise:
2/2. I stretched and warmed up for a good five minutes. Ran on the tredmill for at least 10/20 minutes. fast walked for the same. All together I was on for about 27 minutes. (My friend rushed me :( because she had to go to work and she was my ride there. We're going again in the morning.)

Journaling/Posting:
2/2. I feel kinda bad since it's late, but I got home at 11:48 and went straight to type this. Either way, it's posted and not forgotten haha.

Daily Self Esteem Challenge:
2/2. :) I went to my boyfriend's house and we all played this game called zombies!!! I was so close to winning, but oh well. I'm making sure that from now on we hang out with all our friends or with other people b/c I promised my friend I'd try to go as long as I can without "woopie." Too many chances for pregnancy scares.. but I digress...haha..

Welp. I had a long day and i'm hitting the hay. Gotta get up early to excersise. :) Night.

28 Day Plan.

So I've decided to do the 28 Day Challenge. Starting today, seeing how I haven't eaten yet.

Information!!:)
http://www.angelfire.com/pro/paperdoll/28dayplan/plan.html

Okay, so. To break it down :)
1. Food
2. Water
3. Excersise
4. Journaling/Posting
5. Daily Self esteem Challenge

1. Food.
If I go under my limit then two points. Over a little, one. Completely failed=0.
My plan is to eat salads daily. also, fruits, grapes, etc. :) NO meat. ew.
I want my daily goal to be no more than 1000 calories. (why so high? :O)

2. Water.
Water is a must for any diet to work and to flush you out. :) 64+ ounces = 2 points. 32-64 is 1 point, and less than 32 is 0. 32 ounces= 2 cups of water. And ofcourse doubling it means 4 cups. Im going to strive for 4 a day, which will be easy because I'll reuse my water bottle. One bottle = 16.9 OZ. I'll drink four of them which will equal 67.6 ounces :)

3. Excersise! :)
This is my favorite one. This burns calories!
"If you work out for 30 minutes or more, 2 points. 20-29 minutes, 1 point. Less than 20 minutes, 0 points. It's unrealistic to expect us to work out every day, so you get a "Get out of exercise free" card to use once a week."
I intend to have 3 of those cards lol. But I DO NOT intend to use them. I know i can excersise a day -gym, running in the mornings, situps. I can do it. :) (In fact, I'm going to the gym after I post this :))

4. Posting
this is easy also. Although I won't get any points if i miss a day, I'll still post how i did the next day along with that day's.

5. "Self Esteem Challenge: This is where it gets fun. Every day of the week, there's a special daily challenge that you get to select. If you do it, you get 2 points, if you don't do one, you get 0. Challenge points are the only points that you can make up later, though.

- Monday Challenge: Celebrate Me! Give yourself a facial, take a bubble bath, get a few minutes to yourself, etc. Do something to make yourself feel good.

- Tuesday Challenge: Procrastinator's Anonymous: Everyone has something they're putting off - this is your chance to finally DO it.

- Wednesday Challenge: Random Act of Kindness Day. Commit a random act of kindness - give a compliment, be polite to a telemarketer, donate to charity - anything as long as it's nice!

- Thursday Challenge: Try It, You'll Like it! Do a new exercise, make a new recipe that looks good - expand your horizons!

- Friday Challenge: Fun Day! Blow bubbles, go to a movie, dance, be silly, have fun!

- Saturday Challenge: Cleaning out the Cobwebs: Clean something in your house that needs it.

- Sunday Challenge: This is a make-up day for all your other challenge days. If you missed a challenge, do it on Sunday. If not, just plan for the next week and take it easy.

If you eat a little extra food, you can exercise extra to make up for the food points. 30 minutes for every 150 calories. You have to decide if it's worth it. In your daily post, make sure you post your numbers. Your first number is the number of days you've been in the challenge, the second is the pounds you've lost and the third is the total number of points you've earned on the challenge so far. So if you've been on the plan for 7 days, you've lost 1.5 pounds and you have gotten 68 points, you'd just post 7/1.5/68. Also, tell us about your daily self esteem challenge.. let us know how you loved yourself today! Most of the time ana-life is so negative.. take a 28 day break and do good things for yourself every day.. and earn 2 points!"

So today's Friday, which means Fun Day! I'm going to use this to hang out with my boyfriend later and make a present for his birthday tomorow. :)

I'll post again later today about how I do!

Okay, today is the start of a new me. Of a new beggining. A new everything.
I closed off yesterday with a bang with what I ate-doughnuts, burgerking, etc- and today is the start of the new. I'm also considering doing the 28 Day Plan. I'll post links and stuff about it if I do.

Current Weight- 134 pounds.

Goal Weight- 115 pounds. (starters)

First Mini Goal Weight 130 pounds

Highest weight- 150(?)

Lowest Weight- 112 pounds.

wish me luck :)